THE BLOG WHERE i GET BACK TO WHAT i DO BEST...
What is up kids??
i'll tell you what's up, i plan on getting $HITTY this weekend! i'm talking doing a power hour with some Natty light, playing some beer pong, and finally deucing myself to no end before i pass out. And did you notice that i didn't include eating late night White Castle in that last little diatribe? That's because i'm on a diet suckas! And like my boy Rob always says there's food in the beer, there's no beer in the food.
"Really fat boy? We're supposed to believe you've almost made it into the teens of January on your diet? i mean none of us believe it but even with you lying that must be some kind of world record for you!" Hey, eat me ahole! Or eat my ahole, whatever you prefer. And although you would NORMALLY be right with that last comment, for once i think i've kicked this binge eating of horrific food thing for good, or at least for the present time. So lay off me i'm STARVING!
Do you all remember that Chris Farley bit from SNL, back in the day where him and Spade and Sandler did the "Gap Girls"?" You should remember because it was f'n hilarious but if you don't here is a 26 second clip of that from Youtube.
|Benny's in Fair Lawn is the best place around! It's like a deli and IHOP on steroids!|
But yeah i hope everyone has a great weekend. After being negative 5 degrees on Tuesday it's going to be over 50 and rainy tomorrow. Probably because unlike dry land Climate change is a myth! And speaking of climate change i feel like the temperature is just right to start drinking so i think i'm going to go start my binge now with a cold Natty, because that's how i keep it classy. Happy Friday everyone!!!
JOKES YOU MISSED BECAUSE YOU DON'T FOLLOW: migueljose_85 ON TWITTER...
Why do i watch movies on TBS or TNT when i own the DVD? Oh i know why, because i love long commercial breaks and zero cursing and nudity
-Someone needs to design a "healthy" hangover food already. Like a quinoa tofu salad made from bacon and fast food meat dunked in grease and fat. And yes i get if you made it like that and dunked it in that stuff it wouldn't be healthy anymore, that's why i said someone else has to design it! Because i can handle eating healthier, what i can't handle is not drinking half a bottle of Fireball Whiskey and playing 3 best of 7 games of beer pong 4 times a week and dealing with the hangover i get afterwards. And trust me, that may be a lot of calories but i make up for it by not eating food and the exercise i get while playing beer pong.
But my life would be a million times better if when i woke up puking and filled with anxiety and shame that i could also have a greasy disgusting breakfast sandwich to make me feel better that was also healthy. Can someone get on that please? Thanks!!
"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE- Hey people who call out "sick" from work, when you come in the next day you don't have to do that awful acting job of pretending like you're still really sick to convince us. We didn't believe you when you called out yesterday and we certainly don't believe you today. And trust us, no one gives a $hit anyway. We all saw you post that Facebook status saying "At the mall for Christmas shopping!" Or when you tagged yourself at that movie with your friend. Or when you tweeted "What a great day to have off!" We all know this and we all don't care, they are your sick days so do with them what you wish.
But when you come in the next day acting like Meryl Streep on her death bed, coughing and wheezing and having to tell EVERYONE the same story about your stomach bug and how you couldn't move and stop throwing up and how you almost went to the doctor, THAT is when we all hate you. So just leave out the part the next day when you attempt to win that Academy award and everyone will be fine.
Fast Food FACTS: Taco Bells "Taco Salad" has more then 52 grams of fat. So if you thought it was a bad idea to go to Taco Bell and eat a "healthy" salad you are correct! Although it is funny that their slogan is "Run for the Border" when even if you ate just their salads you'd be too fat to run anywhere. But i guess that's why Chris Christie swears by them!! Oh wait, he swears AT them not by them, just like he swears at teachers or anyone else he bullies. My bad!
And that's it for me today kids! Thanks to everyone who has went and liked my "Here Comes the Money..." Facebook page which is now at over 200 MEMBERS! That is f'n crazy! And i only have 5 family members and 6 friends total so that number is just amazing to me! And thanks again to Jay John for helping me make it the moneyest page around.
But i gots some drinking and partying to do, and as soon as you get out of work you will too. So enjoy your weekend no matter what the weather and i'll see you kids back here on Tuesday!!
Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter
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