THE BLOG WHERE I ARGUE AGAINST THE WEB OF LIES THAT IS SANTA AND ELF ON THE SHELFWhat is up kids?
And i'll tell you what's gddamn up people, it's beginning to look a lot like gddamn Christmas that's what's up. At least to me it is, i'm sure some of you have been fired up for Christmas since before Thanksgiving. "OMG are you kidding???!? i've had all my shopping done since Cyber Monday! i did all of my shopping online and everything is all wrapped and ready to go and has been for weeks!!"
Oh really? Eat me. i'm so the ahole who waits until Christmas Eve and then runs into the mall buying last minute gifts for everyone. And you want to know what? Shopping on Christmas Eve is really not as bad as you would think. i mean yeah it's packed and all, but most people are at home with their families having their annual "Christmas Eve" party with friends and relatives. No one is dumb enough to have to go to mall to get presents! Except me and a bunch of other dumb idiots of course. And yeah it sucks and all, but i guarantee it's not as bad as Black Friday. Not even close!
And besides, isn't this holiday supposed to be about the birth of Jesus anyway? i mean even though anyone who studies religion knows his actual birthday is on April 6th, we've still decided to celebrate it on December 25th. And isn't that what this holiday should be all about? Instead of all of this Santa and Elf on the shelf garbage?
And i dig that whole concept BAD. Because let's be honest, most white girls know their parents wouldn't be happy if they brought home some dirty brown skinned thief, especially when they are from a well to do family in the nice part of town. But that's why deep down, all you ladies have those secret feelings of having wild crazy sex with a dirty minority, and the fact that he's not good for you and the fact that he's poor and the fact that your parents would go nuts if they ever found out only makes it hotter. So keep enjoying the movie "Aladdin" my female friends! Trust me, the message you are trying to send out is getting to me loud and clear. And for the record i look great in a vest and you can pet my monkey all you want!
"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE- Does anyone remember the magazine "Highlights" from when they were a kid? "No miguel, i have no idea what you're talking about!" i know you don't know what that is, you too young to get that reference hot baby girls who don't read my blog anyway. i'm talking to the older broads who remember this kind of stuff. But yeah "Highlights" is the money childrens' magazine that you can probably still find in every doctor and/or dentist office around. They had a ton of fantastic articles such as "Hidden Pictures", "The Timbertoes" and especially "Goofus and Gallant!" i used to love Goofus and Gallant, mostly because i loved what an ahole Goofus was. i always kinda of felt bad for him in a way though. i mean yeah he was a bad kid who made poor decisions, but i was also a bad kid who made poor decisions and now i'm an adult who does the same thing!
And what was the reasoning behind Goofus being such a shady dirtbag? They never really explained it, you were just supposed to accept that he was a bad kid. Personally i always thought he was a middle child the same as me, and all his bad behavior was just a cry out for attention which is what i still blame all my bad behavior for. i remember back in the day when me and my boy Harrison actually mailed in some drawings we did and some letters we wrote about God knows what to "Highlights" magazine, but to this day i can't remember if they ever posted what we sent them. But he'll remember because he remembers EVERYTHING, so Harrison if we ever got anything printed in that awesome magazine let me know because i'm dying of curiosity!
Fast Food Tips - You should probably go eat at Carl's Jr, or Hardees, or Jack in the Box. Go eat WHEREVER Kate Upton is eating in the picture below. i couldn't see which Fast Food Chain this is for but to be honest i wasn't really looking. So it's possible it may say it on there, but who cares. Go eat wherever and check out this picture of Kate that'll make your penis go boooooooWHIP!!
Cya Tuesday! @migueljose_85 on Twitter