What is up kids?
So i hope everyone enjoyed their day off yesterday! If i know this country as well as i think i do, i know 99% of businesses in America were closed in order to observe MLK jr day. Which when you think about it is really the right thing to do, because that brave and noble man did more for race relations and awareness then anyone who has ever...
Wait, what??? You DIDN'T have off yesterday?? You actually work at a company that made you go in to work on MLK day? That's cool i guess. i mean sieg heil right? Or wait, "sieg heil" sounds a little harsh. i mean just because your company made you work yesterday that doesn't make them Nazi's. Maybe we can make a saying that's a little nicer and more fun to say for those of you who had to work on that holiday? Maybe you could drop a sieg "whooo!" instead. Isn't that more fun to say? i get giddy just writing it. Sieg WHOOOOO! Ah, now i feel better for having to work on a national holiday!
Except i would never say that phrase. Why would i have to? i didn't have work yesterday so i spent my MLK day by watching our black President sworn into office for a second time. And then to top it off i went to see "Django Unchained" for the third time in the theater, a movie about a freed slave who gets revenge on a bunch of evil slave owners. That's how a real American celebrates this holiday! Show some respect to a great man for crying out loud! And if you're wondering how i celebrate my "own" holiday the answer is yes, i do spend every "Cinco de Miguel" wearing a sombrero, watching "Three Amigos" as soon as i wake up, and then going to Taco Bell for lunch and getting kicked out of a Chilli's for dinner because of drinking too much tequila and Dos Equis as well as cursing at white people. i don't always drink beer, but when i do, i do it in a racist fashion and get kicked out of chain restaurants and then black out and wake up on the Jersey Shore only wearing a sombrero. Or dos sombreros....
But yeah to those of you who didn't have off and/or get to see the Inauguration then i feel bad for you. Unless you are one of those fools that voted for Romney, then i'm glad you had to work! Just like i was glad i was in the office when Bush was President, because i'd rather be at work then see George W get sworn in two times. Man, what was this country thinking??! Oh i remember, we were thinking the terrorists that attacked us on 9/11 had something to do with Iraq so we were all about invading that country because our government scared us into thinking that they had WMD's for some reason. A war that is only just ending now, after years of sending our young soldiers there to die. How do the people who call Obama the worst President ever feel about that little snafu? Oh well, if all we got out of that war was that George W was able to kill Osama Bin Laden then i guess we can say the whole thing was worth it. Wait, what?? Obama did that too?? 4 more years! 4 more years! Obama needs to get his own national holiday! Or at least one that everyone should have off, but racist companies send their employees to go to work anyway. Seig WHOOOOO!!!
-"OMG MICHELLE OBAMA'S BANGS!!!! WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?!?! It's nice to know that when the first black President of the free world is getting sworn into office for the second time that girls everywhere can still be obsessed with something as insignificant as Michelle Obama's hair. i mean who cares that an African American is being made President of a country that was founded on slavery, and that during his inauguration speech he spoke about things such as gay rights and climate change, things that no other President has ever talked about when being sworn in? Instead lets focus on what Michelle Obama was wearing! So for real, congrats ladies! That catty, petty, bullying behavior that starts when you are a little girl never stops even if you are the First Lady in the White House! There is definitely nothing wrong with the culture we have decided on for women, especially when even the hottest girls feel self conscience and fat even though they are the most beautiful creatures on this planet. But i apologize, please go on about her bangs please because i'm totally interested.
-So on my last blog i told you that if anyone disagrees with my take on the gun issue to please either comment on my blog or on my Facebook page. And since no one did i am going to take that as you all agree with me because i'm so smart and handsome! But i also asked if you would read the comment section from two blogs ago, because someone posted as "my biggest fan" and i wasn't sure if that was the same person who has been making so many harassing comments towards me on my blog lately. After a weekend to think about it however, i've decided that the person who posted two blogs ago really IS my biggest fan and that they were finally ready to admit what a piece of $hit they are for posting what they did on my comment section. i mean how could it not be them? They admitted they are a lonely mom with no life and with nothing better to do then to read my blog twice a week and make stupid comments. And it's not like that even after i told everyone that i have to approve all of the comments on my blog from now on that this person was stupid enough to STILL try and post things even though i just told them that they can't. i mean what f'n racist lowlife a$$hole would be dumb enough to read a blog of someone they hated EVERY week, and then still try to post racist things even after i told them that they couldn't? No one is that f*cking stupid, are they? Nope, it's impossible. Which leads me to believe that the person who posted two blogs ago definitely was "my biggest fan". So thanks for finally admitting how pathetic you are, but please go find another hilarious funny man to stalk all the time because for real baby i can't handle you all up on my $hit all the time!!!
-i need to start giving a different names when i'm ordering something over the phone, because apparently NO ONE has ever heard of the name "miguel". i mean it's only the Spanish version of "Michael" so i can get why no white people ever have heard it. But yesterday i'm ordering pizza to be delivered over the phone and when the girl asks for my name and i go "miguel" she then repeats, "Big Al?" To which is say, no, "mi-guel" and then the girl goes, "oh, okay". Which was her way of saying "Yup, he said Big Al!" Because when i did get my food, you could see right there on the receipt as clear as day was the name "Big Al" right on top. Because that's not racist at all. So anyways i need a new name to give because this is not the first time this has happened to me. Although maybe i will stick with "Big Al", it does have a nice ring to it. So i hope everyone enjoys the blog "Here Comes the Money..." by your very own Mexican/Dominican host Big Al! God i hate that. i'm so glad that racist girl at the pizza place had to work on MLK day.
Fast Food Tips - If you're poor, starving, and want to put a hurting on your toilet then do i have a deal for you! Right now Burger King has a "Buy one chicken sandwich get one free" deal that is sure to fill your stomach and your bowl with fried goodness! You have your choice of the original chicken sandwich, the Italian chicken sandwich which comes with a wife beater and self tanning solution, or the Philly chicken sandwich which comes with dirtbag sport fans who never get to see a football championship. It's win win! Unless you are from Philly, then you'll never win.
-Speaking of not winning, New England Patriot fans could not WAIT to talk trash as soon as Eli and Peyton Manning were out of the playoffs this year. As a Giants fan who beat Brady in the Superbowl the last two times we played them i tried to take it in stride. But then they had to go out and put up a billboard in town for Ray Lewis saying that this past Sunday was going to be his "Retirement Party". Here was the "invite" if you missed it....
Oh Patriots fans, you're so hilarious! And so full of confidence! Although you're apparently full of $hit as well because the Ravens beat the Patriots and now New England doesn't get to go to the Superbowl. See what happens when you start acting like Jets fans? Your playoff run as well as your dynasty is officially over. So enjoy your off season! Although before you go...
AND that's it for me today kids. i know my blogs are usually long and hard like my penis but today i kept it short and sweet, like my boyfriend's penis. NO! I'M NOT GAY! Although if i were it's nice to know that i have a President who would support me. See what i did there? Man i'm the money. But i hope you kids have a great week and i will see you on Friday!
Sieg WHOOO! @migueljose_85