Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Due to the recent derogatory statements by Donald Trump regarding immigrants, NBC Universal is ending its business relationship with Mr. Trump. - NBC

THE BLOG WHERE THE MEXICAN STRIKES BACK THREE AMIGOS STYLE AGAINST THE USED BLOODY TAMPON COVERED IN ORANGE PUBIC HAIR THAT IS DONALD TRUMP

What is up kids?

i'll tell you what's up, because if you didn't hear the news already pretty much IMMEDIATELY after i posted my last blog about Donald Trump being a racist bag of douche Univision and then NBC has severed all of their ties with this human lump of excrement. And while i normally don't pat my back saying how money and awesome and sexy i am, i have to admit it feels GOOD to finally say those 2 words that i longed to say to this orange haired pubic hair on a urinal cake waste of sperm.  And no it's not, "You're Fired!"  Because i'm pretty sure he has that trademarked and he might sue me for saying it.

And no, those words aren't F*CK YOU! or EAT $HIT! or DIE ALREADY! or SUCK MY BIG BROWN CO*K AND SWALLOW 1000'S OF THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS THAT WILL CROSS THE BORDER OF YOUR TONSILS AND REST IN YOUR BELLY BECAUSE OH YEAH BY THE WAY GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL NOW TOO!  Which let's be honest, is more then two words.  But for real, did you hear this lunatic try to tell CNN he's against gay marriage and only for "Traditional" marriage?  Because apparently "traditional" marriage means being on you third wife and marrying a girl who's half the age of your first wife.  Which traditionally makes you a creepy rich old f*ck who can only pull that off because your "loyal" wife can't wait to get half of your $hit.
So instead, let me give him my own patented two word saying, and it's one that feels more prevalent now more then ever.  So from NBC, Univision, and yours truly, we'd all like to tell you Mr. Trump you dirt-eating piece of slime, you scum-sucking pig, you son of a motherless goat...
LATER DICK!
So yeah, sorry about all of the Donald Trump talk lately.  i don't try to harp on things too much on my blog, especially two blogs in a row.  But like i said last week for some reason this whole Trump presidential "run" is a joke and that fact that it's being taken seriously is really getting to me, especially because he's the number two Republican running in the race in some polls! But that really says something about the state of the Republican party, don't ya think?

RANDOM NONSENSE

- Don't you hate people at work or at school that walk right  by you without saying "hi" or even acknowledging your existence?  And most times it's in tight corners like a hallway, and you see this person every day and you walk by them and get ready to say hi or smile or just nod because why wouldn't you when you realize that you are two people who out of the entire universe are walking right by each other at the same time and place in a planet full of billions of people?
Yet these self obsessed inconsiderate jerk offs have no problem just walking by and pretending that you don't exist, and then you feel like the a$$hole who was just gonna say hi to not make getting in each other's personal space awkward.  But you shouldn't feel like an ahole, because f*ck these people for not being decent enough humans to just hi which is something that would make life a little better for everyone.  And if you're reading this and you're one of these dicks who think they're too good to say hi when you walk by me it's not too late to try and be a better person instead of someone who is ruining humanity!!
"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE - Is there ANYTHING more obnoxious on the planet then someone who smokes cigars?  Jeebus Tap Dancing Christmas, do you really need to shove that big fat smelly cancer factory in your mouth and ruin the area for everyone around you within a mile radius?  Unless you are in a cigar bar or your own smoke filled disgusting house by yourself, you should NEVER light up a cigar anywhere.  If only because there is the concept of "other people" who might actually hate the smell of horrific cigar smoke.  You know, the kind of people who hope you suck on that brown nicotine filled penis as the white sperm like smoke fills your belly with  swimmies of death.  i hope you enjoy the cancer creampie your lungs are getting while the rest of us who are smart enough empty out  those disgusting cigars and their awful tobacco and instead fill that blunt with Mary Jane the way God intended!
- So i'm not a big pasta eater.  "No, you're not.  You're a HUGE pasta eater you big fat f*ck!"  Haha okay that one was funny.  But for real, i'm Mexican and Dominican and i've just never been a big eater of pasta.  My family was more of a chicken and rice family rather then pasta.  And yeah i love a good penne and vodka, or a fettuccine alfredo which is like the Cinnabon of pastas.  And i also like Spaghetti and meatballs, wish is a dish i don't eat too often but when i do i definitely dig it.

Although not anymore, especially after witnessing this next entry into The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME! And if you like spaghetti it might not be the worst idea ever to not look at this cover, but if you have the spaghetti and meatballs to try and handle it i give to you Pat Cooper, "Spaghetti Sauce and Other Delights!"
Fast Food Tips - As i'm getting older i realize i can't eat as much as i used to.  i'm about 80 pounds heavier and it looks like i eat as much as i used to, but the truth is i get full pretty quickly and i don't need as much garbage fast food to shove down my disgusting throat, nor do i have the funds to afford to eat as much as i would like which is a sad amount.

Anyways, McDonalds must have heard my pathetic plea as they have just released their "Summer Menu", which includes either a double cheeseburger, a filet o fish, a 6 pc nuggets, or a snack wrap, all coming with fries for a meager $2.50.  And i hate Monsanto and fast food as much as the next guy, but for $2.50 i'll gladly throw away all of my principles for a cheap meal that will send me to an early grave!  Thanks McDonalds!
And that's it for me today kids! i PROMISE that my next blog won't be about how awful Donald Trump is and i'll try to get back to more of my regular ha ha's.  Unless something even better happens to him besides getting fired, like he has to leave the campaign trail after his wife leaves him and he gets a massive attack of diarrhea that keeps him confined to the toilet bowl for weeks on end on his end.

But have a great week, have an even better July 4th holiday, and i'll see you kids back here next Tuesday for an all new blog!




Tuesday, June 23, 2015

School is out and it's a sort of a buzz, a back then I didn't really know what it was. But now I see what have of this the way that people respond to summer madness. The weather is hot and girls are dressing less and checking out the fellas to tell 'em who's best. - Will Smith "Summertime"

THE BLOG ABOUT SUMMERTIME AND HOW DONALD TRUMP IS A GIANT IGNORANT RACIST BAG OF DOUCHE 

What is up kids?
 
i'll tell you what's up, it's finally SUMMERTIME!!!  It's time for no school, no kids, no more coats or jackets and nothing but the beach and sunshine!  And also a ridiculous amount of humidity and complaining by yours truly, mostly because i'm obese and this steamy hot weather is going to kill me.  But i'm not at that point just yet, right now i'm just happy Summer is here and i'm ready to party!

Although there is one thing i need to talk about first, and it's something i really don't want to bring up.  Because i'm trying to not be bothered by this Donald Trump Presidential "run." For real, i'm trying not to let it get to me.  Because i realize it's just a bull$hit publicity stunt and it has all of the honesty and integrity of a leaked Kardashian sex tape. 
But for some reason this awfulness is getting to me, mostly because i have to see him talked about on actual news stations.  Well not actual news, i just mean cable news. But even the Daily Show which i respect has to talk about him, although at least they mock him and bash him mercilessly the way he deserves to be mocked. 
But honestly, Donald Trump is a big steaming piece of $hit and he's a turd of a human being with a terrible soul.  Not to mention an egotistical bag of douche and an extremely RACIST one to boot.  He's really the lowest form of human on the planet, and while i don't wish him dead i wouldn't mind if he had explosive diarrhea for the rest of his life because it actually would be fitting if the $hit that came out of his mouth all of the time also came out of his buttcheeks.  
And the worst part is now i hate myself for even bringing him up, because all i'm doing is falling into the same trap all of the media is doing by bringing up his stupid name.  And the thing is, that's all he wants.  He wants people talking about him nonstop and keeping his dumb old ass relevant when he's clearly not.  He's a LONG way away from when the name Trump meant anything, i mean just look at his casinos in Atlantic City!  Speaking of which, how do you lose money at casinos?  You run a business where people literally can't wait to give you all of their money for nothing.  You'd have to be a real racist ignorant piece of garbage to lose money in that business.
But that's the thing, he makes money for HIMSELF.  The companies he runs always go bankrupt and/or lose money but he always seems to be on the right financial end of it when it's over.  So yeah he's super smart at making money for himself, but as far as helping other people he's one dumb mother fucker.  Want proof?  Just look up Trump Casinos, Trump Shuttle, Trump Magazine, GoTrump.com, Trump Steaks, and Trump Vodka.  And oh yeah, soon you can look up Trump Presidential run as well...

But besides all of this, this motherf*cker is racist as f*ck!!!  Asking to see Obama's birth certificate? Straight up racism you f*ck.  Saying that all the Mexicans that come over to this country are rapists?? That's RIDICULOUSLY racist you f*ck, and not even close to being true!  Although to be fair he didn't say all Mexicans, he said he just meant most.  i got to be fair i guess.
But whatever, i already spent way too much time talking about this joke of a human being let alone "candidate" so that's all i gots to say about this creepy orange faced racist bag of douche today, and hopefully for the rest of the year.  So i hope you're ready for some fantastic summer filled ha ha's cause here they come!  Hear me now, aight?  Wicked

RANDOM NONSENSE

- So i'm starting to get grey hairs, and i'm not really digging it at f*cking all.  i've been getting a few in my goatee and now a few are popping up on the sides of my head and i'm not a f*cking fan because i'm not ready for that $hit yet.  And i'm not sure if you're supposed to pluck them or not, in fact i'm pretty sure you're not supposed to.  But i don't give a f*ck, i keep plucking them $hits and if 10 more pop up in their place i'll pluck those motherf*ckers too. 
If i'm lucky about anything it's that i haven't found any gray pubic hair yet.  Haha, just kidding!  i'm balder down there that a young Brazilian girl who just got her first wax.  Notice i didnt' say Brazilian wax because in Brazil they just called them a "wax."  Anyways the real thing i'm lucky about is that i'm also a balding f*ck too, but i'm not ready to talk about that either... 


-  Do you want to know why breakfast is truly the greatest meal?  It's because you're allowed to order bacon as it's own dish. You can't get away with that at lunch.  You can order bacon ON things, but you can't order two slices of pizza with an additional side of bacon.  Or a salad with a side of bacon.  Or an Italian hero with a side of bacon.  Nor can you do it at dinner, you can't get penne with vodka with a side of bacon, people will look at you like a weirdo!
But for breakfast it's totally acceptable to order bacon on it's own, whether it be with pancakes or eggs or french toast.  Not only is it okay, but it's shown on the menu as a side for breakfast!  So besides all the delicious carby nonsense that you can eat for breakfast you're allowed to just eat bacon.  And if there's anything more American then that then i don't know what it is!

- So normally i try to write a funny joke or at least show some of my wit before i post one of these The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME! bits.  i feel it's too easy to just put up a cover and reap the laugh of a joke that really wasn't mine, so i attempt to set up some sort of joke with the album cover being the punchline.

But there's no set up for this, no jokes that i can tell to make this  bit any funnier today.  So instead just enjoy Gert Jonnys because i can tell you as i'm laughing now that i sure did!
Fast Food Tips- So Americans like to think they are pioneers and the best at everything but i just found out about a fast food item from the UK that is so amazing that the United States should be ashamed of themselves for not creating it first.  i mean i've always been a HUGE fan of stuffed crust pizza.  Because honestly, there is only one part of the entire pie that does not have cheese and it was about time that we fixed that.  But the UK took it a step further and invented the Pizza Hut "Hot Dog" Stuffed pizza!  booooooooooWHIP!  My penis just went from 6 to 12 when i heard that!

 Pizza Hut describes it as having a "succulent hot dog sausage bursting from our famous stuffed crust with a FREE mustard drizzle. " Which is funny because when i heard of this new pizza there was a free drizzle pouring down my leg from my succulent hot dog sausage.  But yeah i probably shouldn't be grossing you out when you should be focusing on how fantastic this invention is.  "Grossing me out?  That turned me on!"  Um, you have problems my friend. But thinking this hot dog crust pizza is the best thing ever is not one of them!  And lucky for you, this hot dog pizza has now made it to the United States!  Just in time for summer! U S and A!  U S and A!
And that's it for me today kids!  i'm guessing if you're a fan of Donald Trump you probably won't read my blog anymore.  But if you're a fan of Donald Trump i'm guessing you can't read anyway so it's really a win win situation!

But i hope you kids have a great week, enjoy the summer because it's going to be over before you know it and i'll see you kids back here next Tuesday for an all new blog! Tell your friends!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

And go "LIKE" my Here Comes the Money... Facebook Page!

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Instead of wondering when your next vacation is maybe you should set up a life you don't need to escape from. - Seth Godin

THE BLOG ABOUT COMING BACK FROM VACATION

What is up kids?

i'll tell you what's up, i'm having a hard time getting back to reality today.  And not even just today, i mean since Sunday when i got back from camping.  What is it about vacation that you need one immediately after coming back from one?  It's like normal everyday life with work and bills and nonsense is bad enough,  but spend a few days with your friends and/or with your love drinking and partying and having the best time ever and it just makes going back to being normal IMPOSSIBLE.

And the worst part is that NOBODY feels bad for you when you come back from vacation.  Why would they?  They work the same miserable job and the same awful hours that you work, the only difference is they aren't coming to work after spending days in paradise on a beach drinking delicious fruity cocktails with the people they love.  

And the thing is, i should be in a fantastic mood.  The summer is almost here, school is almost over, and when you think about it every single day is a beautiful day to be alive my friends.  And i don't mean that in some hippie feel good nonsense kind of way, i really mean it!  Especially after i survived all of the drinking i did at camping last weekend, i never thought i'd survive!
So when you really think about it there's nothing to be depressed about.  Except for maybe how Game of Thrones ended last night, no spoilers but holy$hitballs that show is wrecking my life!
Ok so now that i'm finishing up writing this blog i actually do feel better, which is really all i could hope for.  "True, or you could also hope that you actually made us laugh for once.  Or you could hope that you start making real money and taking care of the people you love and actually becoming an adult instead of just pretending to be one.  Or you could try to not half a$$ a blog for once and maybe see the numbers of people who read it each week start to go back up again.  Or maybe you could hope to become one of the heads of the NAACP without anyone realizing you're not black.  And oh yeah speaking of that..."

LATER BLACK!
So was this blog funny today?  i don't know, but i hope so!  And at the very least i was close to writing an entertaining blog, and sometimes being close is all that matters!  Except when it doesn't...

RANDOM NONSENSE

- Congrats to the Chicago Blackhawks for winning the Stanley Cup!  They would have  also been the team to beat the New York Rangers if they miraculously go to the finals again, but lucky for us that NIGHTMARE didn't happen!  In fact, the New York Rangers have only won ONE Stanley Cup since 1940, a fact that isn't lost on one of their last true remaining fans!  Or should i say fan?
- If you want to make your day better immediately then you should check out the first track off of Beck's soon to be released new album called, "Dreams."  YOU ARE WELCOME!


- So i honestly believe Caitlyn Jenner is a hero for what she did, and it really makes me happy that we are finally advancing as a people in this silly country and realizing that no matter what gender or sexuality you happen to associate with all that matters is that you are truly happen with yourself!
Which is why this next The BEST Album Covers of ALL TIME! really speaks to me, because if there is one group that still doesn't get the respect that they deserve is gay dogs, and it's a problem that i hope we can all one day overcome.
But there is one man who is brave enough to take on this national epidemic, which is why today i honor Paddy Roberts and his "Songs for Gay Dogs!"
Fast Food Tips - This Thursday June 18th at Sonic they are giving away half price shakes all day long!
And yes the picture i posted says June 19th which is Friday but that's only because there are none with June 18th on Google so i had to use this one.  But don't be fooled! It's June 18th not June 19th even though that's what i just posted! Make sure you go to get your half price shake on the 18th!  Unless i'm wrong of course.  Who knows?  i don't get paid for my accuracy.  In fact, i don't get paid at all.  So you're getting what you paid for ya jerks!  Just kidding, i love you guys.  Go get a half price shake at some point this week! 

"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE - So some of you must assume i'm watching this FIFA World Cup soccer tourney because i'm Mexican and you are racist.  But i cannot f'n stand watching soccer and refuse to see any of it!  First of all it's SOOOOOOOOOO SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, and this whole never scoring thing is really disappointing.  Not as disappointing as my whole never scoring thing in high school thing but whatever, that's another story...
But back to boring ass soccer, Jeebus Jumping Christmas can this game go 2 seconds without some guy flopping on the ground like he's just been shot with a gun?  No wonder the clock has to keep running for both halves, if it stopped every time one of these fakers pretended to get hurt the game would be longer then a Red Sox vs Yankees game on Sunday night baseball!   And i literally saw someone who i thought was dead get carried off of the field on a stretcher, only to get to the sideline and "miraculously" get better and not only start walking but get right back into the game!   And because this game is so stupid no one even cares or says anything!

So i haven't been watching soccer, nor will i start to watch it AT ALL!  Even though i will admit it was funny when the USA lost in the last few seconds of their game with Portugal.  Mostly because i'm not really rooting for the USA in soccer.  Why should i?  The United States DOMINATES every single other sport on the planet, not to mention we have all of world's best resources and food and everything else we have is pretty much better then pretty much everywhere else.  So even with having and owning all of these great things, we still ALSO need to beat the world at "their" game too?  Seems pretty obnoxious to me.  i'd MUCH rather root for Mexico, who is 2-0 and won Monday's game despite the fact the refs missed an OBVIOUS handball right in front of the goalie and they were trying to screw those amazing Mexican athletes!   And yes, i realize these last few sentences are proof that i was lying about not watching or liking the World Cup.  But to those of you who are now gonna call me a hypocrite i've got two words for you as well...  Viva Mexico! 
And that's it for me today kids!  i hope you teachers can make it to the finish line and i hope the rest of us can just make it to the weekend!  i'll admit i'm a tad hurt up today, but i'll be back here next Tuesday with an all new amazing blog that's full of piss and vinegar!  Well maybe not vinegar.


Tuesday, June 9, 2015

I went camping recently…for this next joke. I married a woman who loves to camp and I’m what you call "indoorsy." I’m surprised we can still get people to camp. "Hey, want to burn a couple vacation days sleeping on the ground outside?" Uh, no! "What if I told you, you get to crap standing up in the woods?" I still wouldn’t want to go. "You’ll wake up freezing covered in a rash." Alright, I’ll go! - Jim Gaffigan

THE DEJA VU BLOG ABOUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE WEEKENDS OF THE YEAR!

What is up kids?

So i try not to re-post blog rants as much as i can, which is a nice way of me telling you that's exactly what i'm going to do today.  One, because i'm tired and lazy and i do what i want.  But more importantly this weekend is the weekend i go camping with my college buddies for my 15th year in a row!
And honestly there's really nothing more fun then all of us getting together once a year, sitting by the campfire, grilling some delicious food and just and hanging with good men!
So in honor of this gay ol time, i'm going back to 2011 when i posted my first ever camping blog back when i was only at blog #49.  And if you told me then that i would be at blog 388 someday i would have never believed you!  Hell, i wouldn't have believed if you told me i was going to live past 2011!
But enjoy this blast from the past and relieve one of my favorite rants about my one of my favorite weekends of the year.  Not everybody is lucky enough to have the friends i have, and the older i get i've learned to realize that these trips me more to me then i could ever tell you about.  But let me attempt to try with this "oldschool" rant that none of you remember!

What is up campers!

So i thought i was gonna save my camping blog for my next one but instead i'm going to do a look back at my experience of writing 50 blogs this Friday.  Wait, what?!?  Friday will be my 50th blog?!?!  It sure will, but let's work on #49 for a second first, shall we?

As i alluded to in last week's blog this weekend is my annual camping trip with my "college" friends. College being in quotes because by the time it was all said and done it took me 3 colleges to graduate, and i was only at that particular college for a year and half.  i'd like to say i went to 3 schools because that was the route i took in becoming a doctor now, i'd like to say that.  But no, apparently joining a fraternity my first semester and partying nonstop day and night and never doing homework or going to class gives you a 1.9 G.P.A. at the end of 3 semesters.  So please hold off on the "Doctor miguel jose" talk for now, unless that's the game we are playing in the bedroom.  "i'm sorry Miss but we seem to be all out of tongue depressors at the moment...."
But yeah for the last 11 or so years (holy f*ckballs you are old!) i've been going with 5 of my friends on a camping trip to Port Jervis, NY at Camp Kidatouchee.  Actually the real name is Camp Kittatinny but after an "incident" year 3 (that has yet to be proven by the cops or any court of law) it will always be Camp Kidatouchee to us.  And for 11 years the basic plan has been the same.  We arrive Friday around 2ish and set up our tents and that nonsense.  We start a bonfire and start boozing and eating fantastic food that my boy Jay John makes until we get black out drunk and pass out.  Wake up semi-early and go rafting on the Delaware river for 5 hours, boozing heavily the entire time.  Nobody ever wants to paddle because we are all out of shape aholes and have never once gotten all 6 of us to paddle at the same time ever.
Then we get back to our site, nap because we are old men and then wake up and start a bonfire and booze and eat our faces off again until someone (me) throws up everywhere and wakes up next to a bear with my pants off.  Then we pack it up all up the next day, stop at Perkins for breakfast and go over the funds situation which is what we all dread and then say goodbye to not see each other for another year.

Does that sound like fun?  It should, because it is easily one of my favorite weekends of the year. Personally i love camping.  To me camping is like tailgating for a sports event, except there is no event.  But isn't that the best part of going to a sporting event anyway, the tailgate?  i love football more then life itself but i don't go to games because i enjoy freezing up on level 400 when i could easily be at home on my couch in warmth watching all the games on the Red Zone channel and checking my fantasy football stats nonstop as i sit in a pile of my own filth and stink and buffalo wings.  The only real fun part of the football game is the tailgating.  The grilling, the boozing, the blazing.  Just lamping out and enjoying life.  And that's what camping is to me, just a nonstop tailgate without any of that boring "game" to interrupt it.
And camping is the last place i feel that i can truly be myself.  There is no one to judge me in the woods when i do a power hour and wake up on a picnic table at 4 am covered in Smores with no pants on. "That's not marshmallow buddy!"  When i have a burger and a brat and bacon wrapped scallops and a chicken fajita all for one meal, no one feels to need to tell me that eating all of that food at once might be the reason my left arm and face get so "tingly."
But besides all the fantastic food and booze and "legal" drugs and racism and lack of responsibility, it is really the time with my friends i look forward to the most.  A lot of them are married now; hell most of them are actually.  And they're all dads too!  Jeebus Christmas when we first started this some of us couldn't legally drink.  Hell Chuck was still a virgin, and now he's a dad!  But with all of us all growns up it's just hard to find the time to get together, especially when we don't really live that close and those guys have stuff to do like "raising children" and "being husbands".  Those two things alone really cut into their drinking time.

But this weekend isn't about the time we don't get to hang out; this weekend is about once again proving we will always be immature aholes at heart.  i'll say it again kids, this is one of my favorite weekends of the year hands down.  And i feel it is my responsibility to take all these fathers, these mature men who are no longer boys, and get them so f'n $hitfaced and obliviated that they are the ones on all 4's puking their guts out into their shower Sunday morning getting yelled at by their wives.  It is then and only then, that i truly consider myself proud of what a good friend i have become!

RANDOM NONSENSE

 - So i used to wet the bed when i was younger.  And by younger i mean my late 20's.  NO!  i mean when i was a little kid, although not too little because i think i was still doing it regularly in 1st and 2nd grade.  And i remember waking up and being so embarrassed that i wouldn't tell my mom, and then i would walk to school and go through class all day smelling like pee.  And for the most part people never said anything, although sometimes i remember being in class especially gym and someone saying "man it smells like pee in here!"  and thinking i hope no one realizes it's me as i got super ashamed.


Even worse, i remember going on vacation and staying at a place and my mom getting me a diaper because she didn't want me to pee the bed where we were staying in since we didn't have a washing machine around to change the sheets if i did.  And i don't remember when this problem stopped for me, nor when i completely blacked it out of my memory.  Because it wasn't until recently that something reminded me about it and i remembered what a little pee body i was and figured i'd admit it on my blog because oh well what are you gonna do?  But like Sara Silverman says, when you're a bedwetter there are only one group of people that you can look down on, and that's bed $hitters!


- Speaking of $hitting the bed, do you all remember when the New York Rangers were still in the playoffs?  Yeah, me neither!  But since Rob skipped my last blog let me just gently remind him of all of the next day headlines that perfectly captured their season!

A Great Name for a Punk Band! "The Plebeians"


"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE - Not that i'm a grammatical angel or anything but i've noticed that a lot of people always seem to write "a lot" when it's really supposed to be one word, "alot."  i don't like to think of myself as a Grammar Nazi but this one rule that most people get wrong ALL the time and it bothers me alot when people break, it so please don't do it anymore!

Haha just kidding English majors.  i'm sure you just had a heart attack on that one.  But for real stop being grammar nazi's, it's mad offensive.  

And on that final Hitler note that's it for me today kids!  Hopefully there'll be a new blog next Tuesday, unless i drink so much that i die camping in a pile of my own brats and vomit of course.  And wouldn't it be f*cked up if this was my last blog ever before i died, and then people were posting it in honor of me and they all had too look at cartoon Simpsons Hitler up there?

Anyways, i'm out of here for today.  You kids be good and i'll hopefully cya here on Tuesday with an all new blog!

Cya, @migueljose_85 on Twitter

And go "LIKE" my Here Comes the Money... Facebook page!

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

"I never saw it until it was too late." - NY Ranger Henrik Lundqvist on Tampa Bay's Game Winning Goal in Game 7 at MSG Knocking the New York Rangers Out of the Playoffs

IT'S MY FAVORITE BLOG TO WRITE OF THE YEAR!!!


- So i am writing this before game 7 of the Rangers/Tampa Bay series and i'm doing so because i'm convinced the Rangers will win this game.  Not only that, i'm convinced that they are FINALLY going to win the Stanley Cup this year and i'm already dreading hearing about it for the rest of my life, a life that may be cut short after i kill myself because the Rangers won the Stanley Cup...

And when they do win i just want to say that i'm giving up watching hockey, because not only will i not be able to stomach hearing anything about the Rangers being World Champs i will also no longer believe in a God, and hockey will no longer be a sport i can watch any longer.  Maybe if the Devils ever feel like becoming the classy and brilliant organization they once were i might start watching again.  But after losing Kovi and Parise and replacing them with NO ONE and then getting rid of the "Hey" song as their goal music because pu$$ies were complaining that we were chanting "You Suck!" even though that's the loudest that arena ever gets i've just had it with the Devils, i've had it with hockey, and i've had it with life.  So enjoy these blogs while you can kids, because once the Rangers win the cup i might end it at any time.  And by "it" i don't mean my blog, i mean my life!!!


WHAT IS UP KIDS?!?!?

i'll tell you what's up, those paragraphs above is what i had written for today's blog before game 7 was played.  And as you can tell, i was POSITIVE that the Rangers were going to win!  But you know what?  Now i can safely say... Hey Rangers!!!
LATER DICKS!
And it feels GOOOOD to write that Later Dicks! my friends.  No wait, it feels GREAT!  Because as you should know by now i f*cking HATE the NY Rangers.  i hate their team, i hate their fans, and i hate everyone in Bryant Park who watches the games.  And when i say HATE i don't mean that i want physical harm to come to anybody who loves the Rangers.  Because there is that small part of me that realizes that this is just a silly sport, and to wish physical pain on anyone is ridiculous.  So when it really comes down to it i'm not a maniac who is wishing actual harm against Ranger fans.
But i do hope they lose every single game, every single time they play.  Because i f*cking HATE the Rangers, and watching them lose a game 7 at home by getting shut out in MSG in front of their so called "fans" who paid thousands of dollars to see them is just gddamn PRICELESS...
And when i say i f*cking HATE the NY Rangers, i'd also like to point out how much i LOVE when their season is over!  i love it so much that i recorded the post game of game 7 on the Rangers network, the NHL network, and various other sports shows on ESPN just so i could hear multiple people try to explain why the Rangers lost, and even more importantly i just want to record the expressions of every single Ranger fan on television because the look of pain and anguish in their eyes is PRICELESS...
And sure, they can bring up the fact that i'm a Devils fan, and the Devils haven't even made the playoffs in the last 2 years.  And the thing is i really don't care about that, because i'd rather see the Rangers lose then see the Devils win. And it's not because i don't love the Devils and realize that if Lundqvist is King then Brodeur is a GOD, it's because f*ck the f*cking dumb ass Rangers and go suck a fat d!ck you blue faced basterds!
And sure, maybe i'm being a little over the top with my hatred of a hockey team and their fans over a silly rivalry, and that definitely does not show a lot of class by yours truly.  And you might think it's even more classless to buy every single newspaper in the area the day after they lost just so i could look at the Sports page and smile thinking about how those awful Rags are out of my playoffs!
Haha Canyon of Zeros.  But seriously, that's enough punishment for today Ranger fans!  i realize that some of you animals read my blog, and i hate to admit it but i actually like some of you and think you're decent people despite your unfortunate choice of your favorite hockey team.  But just like the Rangers season my bashing of the them is now over, so feel free to enjoy the Random Nonsense without any worry of any more Ranger talk.  Although unlike the NY Rangers you won't have to wait more then 80 years to get one day of happiness in your life!

RANDOM NONSENSE

- Can you guys believe all this rain we've been having lately?  These flash floods are CRAZY, and it's insane to think that California is going through a drought and i have to swim through the parking lot to get to my car!  Although speaking of all of this rain, i hope you guys realize that i don't just say that the Rangers suck because i hate them will all of my heart and my soul and my ball sack.  It's because statistically, as an organization, they are poor to terrible more towards terrible, And here are the stats to prove it!
- And since today seems like a day of dropping "Later Dicks!" ...
LATER DICK!
AND HELLO VAGINA!
A Great Name for a Punk Band!  "The Hullabaloos"

Fast Food Tips -  It's not often that i give a fast food item the "miguel jose Toilet Seal of Approval" and by not often i mean i'm just making up this award right now.  But Wendy's has introduced their new "Jalapeno Ghost Pepper Fries" and after trying them i can say i introduced a new boner to my pants.  The site describes them as " Our classic, natural-cut fries topped with fresh, diced jalapeƱos, ghost pepper sauce, and warm Cheddar cheese sauce bring the right amount of heat. It's too hot to last, so try one today! " i would describe them as delicious fried nonsense that have just the right amount of heat to make your penis go "Spicy booooWHIP!"








"OLD SCHOOL" NONSENSE - Alright so this is more of an Old School LATER DICKS! then just a straight up Old School Nonsense.  But rather then me explain what i mean why not instead just relive this classic bit i wrote a year ago!  For some reason i felt like it was relevant....  

LATER DICKS!!!!

MAN it feels great to drop that "Later Dicks!"  i literally cannot put into words how happy that makes me.  i feel like the darkness that's been over my soul during these playoffs has been lifted.  i feel like the sun has come out and there is a rainbow into my heart now that the Rangers are going on TWENTY YEARS without a Championship!  
Alright that's it for today kids!  Not just the Ranger bashing but also my blog!  And am i going to drop one more Rangers hating meme before i go?  No, no i'm not.  And i'll tell you why.  It's because deep down inside i am a classy guy, and to post another meme would be immature, unfunny, and i just won't do it.  

So i'll cya all here next Tuesday for a brand new blog, and i promise not to talk any more hockey until next season!